When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
