If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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