I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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