Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize