after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
