i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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