so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
