The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
