My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
