how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
