No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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