I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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