It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
