You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
