3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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