Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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