you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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