I wish I only lived at night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize