i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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