I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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