He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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