Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
