Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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