Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
