I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
