It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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