Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
