So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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