Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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