fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
