i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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