Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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