I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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