how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
