I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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