so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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