why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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