Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize