Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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