ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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