The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
