I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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