im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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