I need to stop coming to work sober
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
