On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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