Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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