i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
