I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dick very happy bro
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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