they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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