and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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