My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
