Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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