There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
