Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
