Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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