I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
