Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
