Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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