carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
