The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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