I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
