WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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