im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
