u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
