Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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