He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
