Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
