he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
