Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
