I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
