Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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