If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
