Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
