I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
