I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My vagina is officially offended.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
