is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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