I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
