Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
