I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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