this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
