its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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