listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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