We named our party play list daddy issues
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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