we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
