You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
