Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
