sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I am morally bankrupt
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
