Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
