i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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