like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
